I started a blog back in 2011 called "Our Life in Alaska", so that I could sort of document what our life was like with our two young boys.  I really just wanted a place to write things down so that I wouldn't forget them.  Boy, I'm sure glad I did that because today, for the first time in several years, I revisited that blog.  It's so weird reading about things that the boys said and did that I have no recollection of.  You think you'll remember every little thing that they say and do.  The way they look and feel......and the way you felt.  But you don't. That's why you start a blog so you don't forget those precious memories.  

There is also something very melancholic about going back to old photos, old movies, old stories.  The sadness, for me, comes with knowing that no matter how many pictures I look at, no matter how many old movies I watch, those moments can never be revisited. That life has been lived.  It makes my heart ache.  I honestly remember thinking that I would never forget all of those little moments where they said or did the cutest thing......how their chubby little hands and feet looked, the way they talked, the names they called each other. Alas, so much of that time is very blurry.  I guess the mind has to make room for new information and new experiences so it can't hold on to everything? I am thankful for the handful of stories that I did share on that blog 7 years ago.  Maybe one day, when I'm no longer here, my kids can go back and see how much I truly cherished those times.  The one thing I do vividly remember is reading to them in the afternoons, rocking them and nursing Archer to sleep.  I remember sitting in the chair with him after I had tucked Elijah into his bed and holding him after he had fallen asleep nursing.  I remember telling myself to never forget what that felt like.  It felt like warmth, goodness and comfort.....everything that was good and right in the world.  That is one of my most cherished memories.  That is one of the feelings that I did not forget. 

Now, instead of just two little boys, we have been lucky enough to have expanded our family to 4 beautiful children.  I have to be honest, there certainly isn't as much time for lazing about in the afternoons, but there have still been plenty of times that I was able to have the same experiences with the babies.  It's so odd to think that when the boys were the ages that Elsa and Abe are now, we had just moved back to Wisconsin from Alaska!  Now, here we are in South Carolina, of all places!  It's also hard to believe that I missed 4 years( I guess it was more than 4), of telling stories about what was happening in our lives.  I do know one thing though, we were busy living fully in those experiences.  We were having babies in bathtubs, walking down by the great Lake Pepin, the widest part of the Mississippi River, keeping lovely laying hens, gardening, homeschooling, watching the most amazing sunrises and sunsets, swimming in our beloved pool, walking barefoot in the grass, standing outside during a storm, walking on a lonely country road on a rainy fall morning.  And so many more wonderful things.

I never wanted to come back to the South after experiencing the intense heat and humidity that I experienced here during my time in the Army.  Somehow though, I ended up here....in the deep south.....where it's hot and humid and sandy and there are alligators   and lots of churches! I guess if you look on the bright side of life though, the winters are mild and and the people are friendly.  We are only a couple of hours from the Atlantic Ocean and......did I say the people are nice?  I don't know if this will be our last place on the map that we call home but I know that you have two choices.  You can either whither, or bloom where you are planted.  We've been here for 9 months already...it's time to try and put some roots down so we can bloom....even if my heart isn't 100 percent convinced that this is home.

Our family has changed so much since I wrote that first blog post back in 2011. And, again, as I said so many times in the few posts that I made in that blog, it is bittersweet.  They're growing and changing so fast that I can barely keep up!  But every day they amaze me with their wit, humor, knowledge and love.  I think that the hardest lesson that I have had to learn as a parent is this:  These beings are not mine.  They came through me to this earth and they are who they are meant to be from day one.  I have learned that instead of trying to shape them into MY idea of what they should be, I just need to hop on out of the way and let them SHINE for exactly who they ARE. 

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, 

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 

and He bends you with His might 

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 

so He loves also the bow that is stable.